Welcome to the
The Worst of Rap Lyrics Awards part 1
Gala Event 2008 first annual blogstravaganza
THE WORST OF RAP LYRICS
awards part 1 for 2008
(the lyrics aren't necessarily from 2008 thought)
Gala Extravaganza
Categories for this (the first part of, I don't know, 4, lets say) installment:
Most Ridiculous Repetition
Most Disgusting Sex Related Lyrics by a Female Rapper
Most Ham Handed Attempt at Political Activism
Are we ready for the festivities?
Rap has it's roots in African tribal griots, slavery-time work songs, and the blues so a bit of artistic repetition is to be expected. In fact a catchy and repetitive chorus, far from being a negative, is a good marker of success and popularity. However when a rapper steps outside of the song-writing norm by making words rhyme with themselves rather than other words you may have a problem. Even this "one-word" rapping is an acknowledged style that has been found throughout popular hip-hop's history. Sometimes it just ends up not working for one reason or another, usually because the repetition becomes excessive; catchy becomes annoying, clever becomes lazy.
Our nominees for Most Ridiculous Repetition are
Dr. Dre in Nuthin But a G Thang for
"Never let me slip cause If I slip than I'm slippin"
The earliest popular rap is rife with lines like these, Dr. Dre is nominated to represent all of the late 80's and early 90's with this magnificent line that manages to use the same word 3 times in a completely unnecessary and obvious way.
Missy Elliott in Work it for
" This the kinda beat that go ra-ta-ta/
Ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta"
There's no denying that Missy Elliott makes a very catchy club song. Work it is already an intensely silly song with the elephant sound effects and the backwards speaking, but when you throw in an entire line that is simply a repetition of the last syllable in the line before it it starts to feel like she's just been making it up as she goes along. It's like she didn't even try to write lyrics.
and
Soulja Boy in Crank Dat for
" Then Super soak That Hoe/
Super Soak That Hoe [x9]"
Really the entire song is a wonderful example of what modern rap has done with the concept of repetition. Truly the easiest way to get a popular radio hit is to make sure that if someone hears it once they will remember all of the lyrics forever through sheer force of repetition. Repeating the same exact line 10 times is quite an accomplishment and for this Soulja Boy is nominated.
Most Disgusting Sex Related Lyrics by a Female Rapper
The two rappers who battle it out in this category will come as no surprise to canny hip-hop fans. Lil' Kim, the Queen Bitch of gangster rap, who gained popularity and notoriety from her sexually charged lyrics, can still go overboard sometimes. Ok, not sometimes, frequently. Nearly all the time.
She goes head to head with Missy Elliott, the queen of family friendly comedies now I guess. Ms. demeanor proves to be a worthy competitor despite her fluffier, friendlier exterior with her long and varied career. Who takes the prize?
Missy Elliott in Work it for"Phone before you come, I need to shave my cho cha/
You do or you don't or you will or won't ya/
Go downtown and eat it like a vulture"
While not quite as intense, graphic, and vulgar as some of Lil' Kim's lyrics, this song contains what is quite possibly the least attractive mental image ever attached to cunnilingus. It evokes an image of the woman's sex organs being picked at like carrion by a hideous vulture-man. Also, it's kind of unappealing that if you didn't call before coming Missy wouldn't have bothered to shave her 'cho-cha' (competitor for worst word for vagina?) at all. It makes it sound like she doesn't often have gentlemen callers and so has lost all desire to keep herself presentable.
Lil' Kim in Suck My Dick for
"Got the camcord layin' in the drawer where he can't see/
Can't wait to show my girls he sucked the piss out my pussy"
It's hard to pick a 'worst' Lil' Kim lyrics, there's something objectionable in nearly every song. However the number of fetishes she manages to fit into two lines here, along with the unforgettably stomach-turning "he sucked the piss out of my pussy" makes this a good representative choice. She's filming her partner without their consent, showing all of her friends, and apparently urinating in his mouth. In fact this entire song could have been the nominated line; she invites us to imagine her with a penis, having sex with men, and giving painful enemas. Never have I been so turned off by a song.
Wow, those are some great competitors, it'll be a tough call to pick a winner. A lot can be said actually very fun, about these song writers, but at the very least most of the songs we've nominated so far are catchy, and danceable. Our next nominees break the most important rule of rap by making songs that are just painful to listen to on a number of levels. Of course I'm talking about the Most Ham Handed Attempt at Political Activism category. These artists sacrifice all the things that popular rap songs do so well in an attempt to get a message across, a task they usually fail at spectacularly. The nominees are
Kanye West in Diamonds from Sierra Leone for"Though it's thousands of miles away
Sierra Leone connect to what we go through today
Over here, its a drug trade, we die from drugs
Over there, they die from what we buy from drugs
The diamonds, the chains, the bracelets, the charmses
I thought my Jesus Piece was so harmless
'til I seen a picture of a shorty armless
And here's the conflict
It's in a black person's soul to rock that gold
Spend ya whole life tryna get that ice
On a polo rugby it look so nice
How could somethin' so wrong make me feel so right, right?"
Kanye West trying and failing to be deep is nothing new, but this song really is special. Most egregious is the middle school social studies report line "Though it's thousands of miles away Sierra Leone connect to what we go through today". It is as if he was assigned to read a newspaper and find something in it that was interesting to him and he saw an article with the word "diamonds" in the title. However on a deeper level it's more disturbing that Kanye has just learned of this incredibly well known atrocity and he intends to do absolutely nothing about the enormous number of diamonds he owns. Every other line is an evasion or rationalization about why it's still ok that he's going to be wearing a bunch of diamonds of uncertain origin indefinitely. And furthermore "it's in a black person's soul to rock that gold"? I don't know if I can even imagine something more offensive.
Eminem in Mosh for
"Maybe we can reach Al-Qaeda through my speech
Let the president answer a higher anarchy
Strap him with an Ak-47, let him go, fight his own war
Let him impress daddy that way
No more blood for oil, we got our own battles to fight on our own soil
No more psychological warfare, to trick us to thinking that we ain't loyal
If we don't serve our own country, we're patronizing a hero
Look in his eyes its all lies
The stars and stripes, they've been swiped, washed out and wiped
And replaced with his own face, Mosh now or die
If I get sniped tonight you know why,
Cause I told you to fight."
Eminem's incredibly non-timely entry into the arena of political discourse gets a nod as well. Released in late October onto the internet in an effort to get people to vote on November 2nd might be cutting it a little bit close em. This song is also unique for the volume of trite pseudo-political cardboard sign non-statements that in contains. They really are all in there: "no blood for oil", "let the president fight his own war", "he's just trying to impress daddy", etc. Finally Eminem's immense arrogance makes a showing as well, he thinks that his political statement, as an important controversial white person, could possible reach al-qaeda and even more laughably that the government might even try to kill him for what he's saying.
Well, thanks for watching my awards show, tune in next time when the winners are named and the next batch of categories and nominees is revealed. Write in with suggestions either for nominees or categories ok?
(Outro Music)
